So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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