Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
