I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
