I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
