South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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