so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
