having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Randomize
