it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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