Plan B is the new Plan A
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
