This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
