I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I could fuck to npr.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
