Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
