think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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