Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
