Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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