Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
