Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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