Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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