We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
