We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
