you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
