I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Randomize
