I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Someone signed my nipple.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
