It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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