she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
