i jhust puked up my retainher.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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