im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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