So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
