I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
