He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
