she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
