I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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