As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
