hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
