I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
