I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
