like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
