yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
