I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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