Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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