anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
