I'm gonna have a badass scar
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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