Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
