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dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
worst night to have a conscience
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
