Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
