watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
