wanna go halves on a baby?
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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