Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
