I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
