yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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