How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
