1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Randomize
