I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
we should paint friendship bongs
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