I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
