Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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