Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
