I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
