he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
