just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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