I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
