Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
wanna go halves on a baby?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
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