Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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