Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
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One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
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He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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