he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you will always have a special place in my vag
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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