Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
