he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
