just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Someone shattered a urinal.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
