he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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