I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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