I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
