Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
