Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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