How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
