I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
