idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
