youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
