I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Randomize
