Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
