dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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